She sits in her office, unsure about her next move.  An onlooker would see her and assume she is daydreaming.  Her eyes are glossed over, absentmindedly staring into the computer screen.  Really, she is petrified.  The fact that 'the thought' crossed her mind makes her frantic with anxiety.  She gets angry at herself for letting her mind wander off that far.  "I'm just really tired, don't read into it too much."  The self talk barely pulls her out of this intense moment of uncertainty.

The real confusion here is rooted in her illusion of emotional independence.  Perhaps she finally recognizes her dependence on certain individuals in her life.  But in all honesty, this makes her feel even smaller.  A friend told her a while ago that she is like a robot, analyzing and executing without emotion.  She clings to this identity.  Things were so much easier when she was able to be a robot.  Now she has to endure these waves of emotions that she has absolutely no control over.  It makes her feel helpless.  She can feel the pitying eyes of those who are slowly noticing changes in her behavior.  It is infuriating to know that her actions and inactions influenced by her emotions are inconveniencing those who care about her the most.  "I hate being a burden."