Four day march, Nijmegen, Netherlands

Is that it? Are you fucking serious?  What are you idiots so happy about? Get out of my face. Her face is burning hot from the sun, but more from her fury. She leaves the crowd and walks away far enough to find a spot where she can be alone. She loses control over her emotions as soon as she does. What if life is exactly like this at the end? What if you endure so much pain with hopes that it will all be worth it at the end, but the finish line doesn't mean jack shit?

During this past month, her brain has been slowly but surely depleting all its available serotonin, all the while becoming dysfunctional with replenishing it. Her mind is now at its weakest state, coupled with fatigue, in generating any positive thoughts. She feels no happiness, no intrinsic reward, no camaraderie, only the piercing pain in her hip flexors and lightheadedness from dehydration.  Her eyes are brimming with tears but she can see the captains standing in line to get on the bus to Camp Heumensoord.  She wipes her tears the best she can and joins them.

The next day, she uncomfortably waddles into McDonald's with a huge appetite.  At first, she gets excited about ordering a Happy Meal.  The Dutch fast food, however, is no fast food at all.  Her already short temper has absolutely zero tolerance with inefficiency at the moment.  The server is completely oblivious to this fact as she clumsily paces about, assembling the meal one piece at a time.  By the time she gets what she has ordered, she has lost all her appetite.  She throws her tray onto the table where three captains are already eating, and slumps into her chair.

"I am not even hungry."

The three captains glance at each other.  She admits she has been temperamental throughout this whole trip.  She is grateful that the captains have tolerated her rudeness thus far, and knows that she should not be pushing it any further.  What healthy Liz would do, she does not seem to have the energy to do though.  All she wants to do is sulk.  After an awkward moment of silence, one of the captains pick up the minion toy that came with the meal.

"This will take drastic measures," he sighs.

Just as she is about to ask him what he means, he shakes the minion in front of her face and squeaks in minion voice,"Please eat your food."

She bursts out laughing and feels a surge of happiness.  Despite her claim that she is most content and comfortable alone, moments like this really make her appreciate having good people in her life.