Task: Figure out how to nurture an emphatic yet resilient inner child

Condition 1: People pleaser

A child who is naturally intuitive and perceptive is cursed. A child who sees, feels, thinks more deeply, thoroughly, and intensely is constantly taking in the overwhelming amount of energy in his or her surroundings. He or she is so attune with the atmosphere, a vibe, an unspoken rule, and feels that it lays upon his or her shoulders to meet all expectations and keep everybody pleased. At any given moment, such child is teetering on the verge of crossing a thin line that is constantly moving, zigzagging sideways and crossways. Inevitably he or she traps oneself in an extremely narrow and oppressively low box. Perhaps this stunts growth of self expression. Perhaps this develops passive aggressive behaviors. This was not specifically me, but I claim its effects.

Condition 2: Perfectionist

A child with above mentioned qualities feels the need to keep a very small world, in effort to reduce anxieties. If by chance the child has loving parents with similar temperaments, he or she will grow up sheltered. The parents confirm the child's ideologies, nurture the child's doubts and insecurities, and provide the child with a sense of belonging, and even elitism. With belonging comes the awareness of those who do not belong. In a child's young mind, this may be defined as those who have not acquired a level of social awareness that the child feels he or she has achieved with the collective effort of the family.
As a child, one can afford to maintain this small world where everything within is sensible, trustworthy, and consistent. It is as if one stands somewhere at a beach, takes a sturdy stick, and draws a circle around oneself by extending his or her arm as far as it can reach. Everything in this circle is manageable because nothing is contradictory to one another. Everything is logical, cause and effect, but most of all altruistic.
Then the child grows into young adulthood through teenage years. And the waves come crashing in washing out the circle, leaving the child susceptible to forceful water. One witnesses the unjustifiably harsh and rude acts and words of fellow teenagers who are fueled by hormones, aggression, and insecurities. But still, most of these observations and experiences are not completely processed nor internalized.
It only gets worse through young adulthood. Plenty of disappointment, not of a specific person, but of humanity. One cannot help but question, "Why? What could I have done differently? What have I done to elicit such actions? What have I DONE? WHY is this happening?" There is no cause and effect, no logical explanation. It is difficult to accept that nothing that one has done resulted in such a catastrophic trauma that has caused so much suffering. A decision made by a loved one that leaves permanent damage to other loved ones for the rest of their lives. A decision made by somebody that makes one question the entirety of ones's existence. A decision made by a trusted friend that makes one feel that nobody can be trusted.

Standard 1: Strive to be sheltered

One can always choose to escape and surround oneself with like minded and caring people. But what gives when one can only shelter oneself? At a certain point, one will have people or things he or she cares for dearly, whether it is a child or a cause. Then what? One would need enough capital and assets to protect others too. So how does one shelter oneself without losing touch with the harshness of reality? Don't run away. Become the one with power and influence. Become the one who can shelter the good and shun the bad. Become the one who can outcast those with no integrity, those who are self serving, those who benefit from the suffering of others. Be the one with money, be the one who can do favors, be the one sought after. Shelter oneself and others by being a stronghold that diminishes the trauma. Bark back, frighten away, be ruthless. Be harsh.

Standard 2: Stay traumatized

Trauma does things to people that nothing else does. It infiltrates into the thinnest cracks and fills up the darkest hallows. The thoughts and emotions spurred from a trauma remains deeply embedded in ones mind, heart, and body. It becomes an armor that protects one from the harshness of reality. One becomes less vulnerable because one closes down on his or her surroundings. But is this not counterintuitive and counterproductive with being able to protect others? How does one notice the suffering and needs of others when one cannot do that internally? If one must, one should stay traumatized, let the trauma remain raw and feel the pulse throb. Only then may one empathize and keep fresh memories to understand when somebody comes along with similar pains. One who closes those pain in a pretty little box called life lessons and looks back at it with only fond memories of naivety will inevitably accept the systemic problems of society and grow old to patronize young ones who feel the pain that one once felt so deeply but had forgotten.

Standard 3: Never let up on trust

There will be those who console, those who persuade, those who scold youthful passion. If the consolation, persuasion, disapproval, and reprimand come from those whom one regards highly, trusts absolutely, respects ultimately, one cannot help but doubt oneself. But never let up on trust, not trust in others but trust in oneself. Grow out of the need to depend on and trust others. Become resolute with the idea that one might be made an enemy, a disappointment, or an outcast by every living person whom one loves. Trust that even if that happens, everything will be okay. One will make other friends along the way, who may naturally fall out just like others. But even so, it's okay. Some things can only be done alone.



If you have read this far, thank you for caring. I am totally being facetious with the tasks, conditions, standards, which the Army deems appropriate for all lessons. This regurgitation of emotions and thoughts are far from a comprehensive lesson.